2 posts tagged “blog”

When I was in sixth grade, none of these words/phrases existed. Now, every sixth-grader with access to a television or laptop knows their meanings. In case you’re still confused - don’t worry -  I’m here to help. Using the expertise afforded me by my self-proclaimed Ph.D Degree in Patrochism, I’ve painstakingly compiled these definitions to get you up to speed. Words (in alphabetical order, of course) are in bold text, with their definitions beneath them:

Blog
What you are currently reading. Duh.                           

Chambers Dictionary

Bushism 
There was an oil man from Texas
Who needed more fuel for his Lexus
He started a war
tried explaining what for, but
on what he meant to say, we’re still taking guesses!
                            
Celebrity Rehab
The attempt of washed-up  actors, singers and musicians to rehabilitate their careers by generating  the sympathy and voracity of the tabloids.

Cyber-bullying
A method of intimidation applied by parents to their teenage children in order to get them to switch off their computers. 

Docutainment
Half facts, half entertainment, sort of like the 2008 United States Presidential Campaign.

Egg Harvesting
A scientific system of producing greater quantities of chicken eggs developed by the Easter Bunny, that will probably get him in deep shit with PETA.

Enhanced Interrogation Techniques
This term is a bit confusing to some, because it sounds a lot harsher than it actually is. You see, ‘interrogation’ is just another way of saying  ‘interview’ and ‘enhance’ means ‘to make improved, or more attractive.’ So ‘enhanced interrogation techniques' are not as bad as the relentless questions your mother asks you about stuff that’s none of her business, but more like a give-and-take dialogue, a 'conference,' if you will, at which they serve extra-special tea and biscuits.

Gay Marriage
‘gay’ is synonym for ‘happy,’ so ‘gay marriage’ means ‘happy marriage.’ Because 'happy marriage’ is an oxymoron for many people, ‘gay marriage’ is still deemed implausible in most states.

Global Warming
Global warming is a wonderful happenstance. Due to internet blogging (see definition above) people from all over the world can communicate much more easily. As a result, we’re getting friendlier with each other, we can even say ‘warming up’ to each other. As a result, the globe is a chummier, ’warmer’  place to live than it used to be.

Googled
Past-tense of the verb 'to google,' which means 'to get very familiar with,' as in, “I googled him last night for over an hour.”

Homophobia
Fear of homeless people sleeping on subways. But in today’s economy, a secondary meaning is ‘fear of becoming a homeless person.’

Oprahesque
An adjective that describes anything that is showy, warm and generous.     Synonym (UK)- DameEdnaesque, Antonym (International) - Cheneyesque

Reality TV
The difference in level of entertainment between watching Lucy and Ethel stuff chocolates in their mouths and a scowling Brit with bad hair insulting stars-in-their-eyes wannabes.

Reproductive Rights
The Xerox Corporation’s ongoing civil rights struggle to overcome the English-speaking world’s discrimination  that “xerox” should be used as a synonym for “photocopy.”

Social Media
In this instance, ‘social’ is a synonym for ‘sociable,’ meaning we see emerging from our television nightly newscasts, our newspapers and our internet web hosts a happier, more upbeat and positive reporting of current events. This is accomplished by leaving out of the headlines anything ‘disturbing’ and filling our pretty little heads with fluffy pieces of drivel, instead.

Speed Dating
An unusual, serendipic circumstance whereby a female gets on a bus to go to work and on jumps a very handsome policeman, who tells her there's a hidden bomb onboard which he has to find and detonate while she drives the bus. After this is accomplished, they go out together for a coffee. ‘Speed dating’ occurs so rarely that when it does, a film is made about it.

Video Beatings 
Described by cynics and bleeding hearts alike, as 'the pitiful cry of some teens who, in today’s uncaring, harsh society, are desperate to display their sociopathic, self-absorbed, shallow tendencies, in order to get help against such.' Described by realists as 'parents reaping what they sow.'

Truthiness
Pretty much everything you’ve read here.

I know my dictionary is not complete. I welcome assistance in making it so.  Anyone who contributes a word and definition could be eligible for an honourary BS degree in Patrochism.

Patricia V. Davis

Dear Neighbours:

Posting on VOX  has been such a  rewarding experience for me. I started this, my first blog, on the recommendation of my wonderful literary agent, who told me that blogging would be a great way to “build my visibility.”  But what started as a business action became an effort of love.  I’ve met so many remarkable individuals, through whom I’ve learned fascinating facts about the world.  It was an unexpected delight to find myself thinking about the people I write to and for every week, mulling over the every day events of their lives and learning about their part of the planet. Often, over dinner, when my husband and I first get a chance to chat after working in our perspective offices across the hall from one another each day, I tell him all about my new friends. The man in New Mexico who was first to say, “Welcome to VOX,”  the devoted father who calls himself after one of Michelangelo’s favourite expressions,  the brilliant young writer/construction worker, the wise, pretty woman in Canada who just got a new flat and posted it for all of us to see. Then there’s the  young mother in Orange County with the beautiful little daughter, the Australians who are celebrating the new start in their government, a lovely Brazilian who,though struggling with health issues, takes the time to reach out to others, a remarkable young woman who studies law, the funny, warm educator whose relatives steal her leftovers, the man from Cornwall who loves Greece as much as I do, the "Yankee" in the UK who met her husband the same intriguing way I met mine, the single parents who struggle on like heroes and write about their love for their children, artists, musicians, photographers, writers and…so many others.

It’s restored my faith in humanity to have firsthand proof that, way out far from my small spot on earth, there are so many people whom I’ve never met face-to-face, living constructive and noteworthy lives. Thanks to them and their writings on VOX, I now realise, with blessed relief, that the media’s dire predictions regarding our imminent destruction are likely exaggerated and generated to sell more newspapers.  I believe that the internet, though being used for all sorts of unsavoury purposes, will also accomplish something else, perhaps inadvertently. Perhaps it will save mankind. After all, how can any of us, from anywhere, desire to pick up guns and fight our friends, friends whom we’ve never met, but communicate with daily, no matter where in the world they might live?

Well, this week, I came up with yet another purpose for this blog. I’m extending an invitation to my new neighbours and friends to add, if you wish, your creative voices to my latest writing project. I’ve had an inspiration for a new work, based on some of the people I’ve met on VOX and a few experiences I’d had recently, for a novel this time. It’s less labour- intensive than my memoir has been  and its sequel is being and perhaps it'll be nothing more significant than a fun read. But to quote Nora Ephron, “fun is a much-underused word.”  So, I put this out to those who’d like to share their experiences with me, some of which I may adapt and utilise for this new project:

1) Have you ever experienced a very intense, unresolved love situation? A love that you wish you could revisit, just to tell the other person what you're still thinking, feeling? For example, do you have any grown children, a parent, or a sibling, perhaps, with whom you wish you had a closer or better  relationship? What about a former spouse or lover? A former friend? 

2) Have you ever felt the presence of, or do you believe in, ghosts, spirits? Do you have an experience you’d like to relate regarding these?

3) Have you or someone close to you, ever had a war experience? Particularly one that has to do with being on a ship or being a prisoner of war?

4) Have you ever met a person online, through a blog, chatroom or website, with whom you’ve become very close? (A non-romantic relationship, that is.)

Believe it or not, all of these situations will be part of my next story. I hope you’ll all participate and I look forward to hearing your responses!

Thank you in advance,
Patricia